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“I also told her that I was always there to answer questions or help if she needed it; I wanted her to know that she could always come to me if she was in trouble. I just didn’t want her going deeper underground with it.” First, however, Josephine insisted they sit down together and go frame by frame through the comic.“Education,” she says, “has been my go-to in situations like this.” It took a week for Josephine to calm down enough to follow through on her plan but the resulting conversation — with Josephine asking Alice to explain what was happening in each scene, who was and wasn’t having fun and what each scene meant in terms of respect — was, she says, one of “my hardest, proudest parenting moments.” The exercise, as uncomfortable as it was for both Alice and Josephine, helped Josephine better understand her daughter.If kids or teens themselves do have hair, despite it being normal, “they feel dirty and unkempt.” Even a kid’s concept of masturbation can be warped: “I’ve literally had kids say to me, ‘You can’t masturbate without looking at porn,’” Langford says.Is this because the kids in question, after seeing porn, need more explicit visual stimulation to become aroused?As the 2010 APA report found, “There is evidence that girls exposed to sexualizing and objectifying media are more likely to experience body dissatisfaction, depression and lower self-esteem.” But this isn’t just about teen boys demanding certain sexual acts, and it’s not just about how girls identify and develop into women. But this mom figured she should wait to talk about sex until her daughter showed an interest in the topic.

“She’s just smarter than I am at those things.” Alice was 9 the first time Josephine realized she was looking at porn regularly. Then one day when Alice was 12, Josephine picked up Alice’s Kindle, a Christmas gift that she figured, with its lack of high-speed Internet, would be safe. “I knew I could not control her, and the harder I tried, the sneakier she got,” Josephine says.

“I know my kid is not the only one,” says Lydia*, mom of 9-year-old Mary. “I felt so alone because you can’t just Google ‘expert in pornography exposure for children’ and find a professional who can help you with that,” Lydia says.

“I had to make a lot of calls and tell my story to a lot of random people on the phone so I could get to the right person.” The usual parachute cords parents pull when they come up against a difficult problem — talking to their own parents, going to a parenting group, chatting with the neighbor mom — don’t exist here.

It is also highly convenient; a 2010 American Psychological Association (APA) report estimates 12 percent of all websites are pornography sites, and a quarter of all search-engine requests are for pornography. “Our kids don’t.” What they find, whether accidentally or purposely, isn’t your friend’s older brother’s crumpled Playboy, either.

“These are graphic, moving, [high-definition] images,” says sex educator and therapist Jo Langford.

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